Defending the Family: Striving Together for the Ideal, While Living in Reality

What a great opportunity it was to be able to watch the 2015 General Women's Session last night. 

I think that this meeting struck such a strong cord in me because my family situation is changing so right now. My children are almost grown, and I have more time to serve and study. I can't tell you how excited I am to devote my energies to strengthening my own family and to also do all I can to strengthen the beautiful families around me. 

One of the ways I hope to be able to do this is by sharing my experiences here. What better way to strengthen someone that is right in the middle of the struggle of holding on to a marriage that feels like it is failing, or someone that is watching a child stray, or perhaps is feeling a little less than perfect in her role as a homemaker and mother than to hear from someone who has been there and is now on the other side of those things...or let's be honest, it is great to hear from someone who is still dealing with those things!

There is power in knowing we are not alone as we strive for the ideal, but live in reality. 

And we are not alone. Through all my life, in my times of deepest pain and distress, I have found the truth of this testimony shared in song last night. For God WILL NOT desert us. It may feel like it sometimes, but if we can just hold on, remembering we are not alone, he will help us through to the other side our our sorrows.

How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord,

Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!

What more can he say than to you he hath said,

Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior,

Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

 

In ev'ry condition--in sickness, in health,

In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,

At home or abroad, on the land or the sea--

As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand,

As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never,

I'll never, no never, no never forsake!

We are in this together as women striving to live with Christ as the center of all we do, in less than the ideal circumstances we so desire for our families! But that is the kicker...we all are in a less-than-ideal setting, and we can find joy and peace, laughter and smiles, friendship and love, as we share in each other’s journeys to become more like Christ. 

Other reminders from last night that I loved: 

We have families to help us be what He wants us to be. 

Fill up with light and truth! Then we will have the strength to resist the pressures of the outside world.

Do not bury your testimony in the ground.

The family is of God.

Heavenly Father knows us personally, and loves us.

Our purpose is to be tested, tried, and stretched. What a better setting to do this than in marriage, family, and the home!

Do not limit your love to your immediate family, help strengthen all the families around you, because we really all belong to the same great family.

Defend The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Stand with the brethren in strengthening our families, our churches, and our communities

Even though we don't live the ideal, we still need to believe in it, teach it, and strive for it. No blessings will be denied those that live for them. 

Stand for and defend these principles: 1. Marriage is between a man and woman, 2. There is no greater role than of wife and mother (and may I add, of husband and father), 3. There is sanctity in the home and in the role of a homemaker. It is a sacred and very important role.

God understands our sorrows. We can and must be His hands in giving those women comfort and relief from lonliness, fear, and sorrow.

Trials can be heavy even for good people! Help them. Be compassionate. You have covenanted to serve and share their burdens. Bare one another's burdens. Mourn with those that mourn. Comfort those in need of comfort. Encourage others in righteousness.

Only the Lord really knows the extent of our individual pain and grief, and will lift those burdens.

"I will ease the burdens that are upon your backs...I do visit my people in their afflications...they did submit cheerfully to all the will of the Lord." (that is key!) 

Joy ALWAYS comes after sorrow.

Charity never faileth, and is the pure love of Christ.

No Matter How Rough Life Is, It's Better Than The Alternative!

“Well, you’re alive, aren’t you?”

This could shut me up faster than anything else my father could say. For a while there, when I was a young teen, he was using that line more than I care to admit. Each time I started complaining about how hard school was, or how much I hated my chores, he’d get that look on his face. I knew I’d slid down the slippery slope into pessimism, and he wasn’t going to let me stay there.

“Well, you are, aren’t you?” There would be a pause for effect, “Then you have nothing to complain about.” End of conversation.

I looked up to my dad, literally and figuratively. He was a massive man, weighing in at over three hundred and fifty beefy pounds. He worked late into the nights creating with precision the most beautiful cabinetry and woodwork I thought possible. You would find me there, in his cabinet shop, with him patiently teaching me how to work, and work hard. I can't tell you how many times I stacked wood wrong, and had to start again. Or how many hours I spent sweeping all the sawdust up off the shop floor. He would show me over and over again how to do these simple tasks the right way. I wanted to be just like him.

Life wasn’t easy for my dad. His life had its fair share of troubles. There were family troubles, death of loved ones, failed businesses, friends that cheated him, and the recession that hit while I was little, causing our family to lose most of everything we had. There were also health problems that included all the bone to his knees being shattered in both legs, and finally an accident that destroyed his back. That time he didn’t recover. For the rest of his life it seems he was confined to the couch. He could have complained. Everyone would have understood. But I never saw him do it. Life, no matter how rough, was better than the alternative.

So, once I was grown, and experiencing my own heartaches, my own troubles, I would hear his voice in my ear, “Well, you’re alive aren’t you?” 

I remember clearly, standing on the shifting sand, hands shielding my eyes so I could watch my five kids digging for geoduck. My mind wasn’t on them though. My husband had recently lost his job, again, and we were living off of miracles and charity. I had also found out that he was involved in yet another affair. This time, with someone I knew and had considered a friend. I was reeling. To add even greater injury, I discovered my husband had taken my tools, the ones I had inherited from my dad. He then sold them without my knowledge, so he could take this latest girlfriend to a resort for Valentine’s Day. My heart was so broken it felt numb.

Life was not easy. In fact, it was really, really rough.

Standing there on the beach, leaning on my shovel, watching my kids and feeling so removed from everything, I heard Dad like he was standing there with me. “Well, you’re alive aren’t you?” Followed by that pause, of course, and “Well, then, there is nothing to complain about.”

I had to make a decision. I felt the sun warm on my skin and the salty air in my nose. It was delicious. I took in a huge breath and let it fill my lungs with life. I closed my eyes and felt the breeze play in my hair, and cool the small beads of sweat at my hairline. I let the air out. It was so good to be alive. Life, no matter how rough, was so much better than the alternative.

Bracing my foot against a rock right next to me, I grinned as I once again connected to my kids and the activity at hand. Grabbing my shovel with both hands I dug deep into the sand to find those illusive geoduck. The kids started giggling and running around as a geoduck spit a small stream of water directly at them. Shovels now abandoned, they were caught up in the excitement of the moment. I could not help but laugh and join in with them.

Our geoduck hunt did not bring the desired results. Dinner was macaroni and cheese amid more laughter at our day’s adventures.  Life wasn’t exactly bringing the desired results either, but it was good.

After all, I was alive wasn’t I?

Healing with a Pen...and a Disclaimer

I have heard it said that writing can be very healing. This is something I can definitely wrap my head around. Ever since I was able to form my letters into words, I've been writing. It may have been a short story, a journal entry, or letters to friends. But I've always, always found peace and comfort, and even companionship in writing.

In fact, I still have every journal I've written in since I was eight. Reading through them, I have come across all the boys I used to like, all the video games scores I was so proud of, and as I became a mother, pages and pages of all the parenting struggles and joys I went through with my five beautiful kids. I've also found within my journals and life experiences a few things I thought I would share.

To this day, I haven't shared much of my personal life online, mostly just the fun stuff that we are all comfortable with. Yet, there is something that has been nagging at me, something telling me I need to do more. My life has been fabulous, but just like everyone else, through every stage in my life there have been those days of spectacular wonder mixed with those days that I just wanted to disappear.

And I believe, like I said at the beginning of this post, that there is healing in writing. I want to heal and help others to heal as well. I think that I have lived enough of life that I can write down a thing or two that may help another. I leave it to you to take it and gain something, or to leave it.

Hopefully it can be the first. Perhaps in my words, there will be things that help you to understand you are not alone, or to help you feel hope again, or to just realize that life can be funny and joyful even when things don't go as planned. And if you have something to add for me from your experiences, I'd love to hear from you too.

But if it is not the first, please be kind. To me, and to anyone in my stories.

And here is my disclaimer: I can't write about myself, without writing about those that have touched my life,..for good or bad. And this is actually the reason I have not written anything online. I firmly believe that people can and do change. All the time. We learn and we grow. So what happened in the past, may not be something that would happen ever again. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone falls short of the glory of God. Everyone. The attitudes and actions in my stories and posts are from the past. From my memories. From the things I need to get off my chest, or from the things I want to understand better. The stories may represent what is in my mind and heart, but the other people in them may be living completely different lives now; and while I may still feel pain, and am trying to work through some things, they have perhaps gone through what I know as the repentance process, and have completely changed. I hope that this thought is respected and remembered if you take the time to read further.

Not all is doom and gloom though. I want to share happiness, I want to share joy. I want you to know that no matter how rough life is right now, it is better than the alternative! There is a purpose to all things. And that is why I've chosen the first of my stories to share with you tonight...

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